I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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