Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
