Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
