you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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