Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
