Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
