you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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