I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
