I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
