Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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