why do cheetos always look like penises
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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