What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
