My first STD was from a foam party
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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