Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
