she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
