got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she told me i tasted like america
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
