Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
