i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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