Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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