btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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