Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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