I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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