just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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