I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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