I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
