I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
