My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
