You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
