I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
