he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize