I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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