the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
