i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I need to align my fucking chakras
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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