ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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