Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
