if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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