When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
