1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I don't think brook has ever known best
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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