her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
