I faked an abortion last night.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Can you bring me the toilet please
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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