I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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