Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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