So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
