whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize