i don't like sucking hair
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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