She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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