I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
