note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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