Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize