He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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