Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
no you cant smoke seaweed
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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