Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i believe in u and ur pee
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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