I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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