11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
