if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
two words...techno handjob
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
