please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize