i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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