You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
