dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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