Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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