matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
