Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
