It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
