Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize