i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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