i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
