btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
