my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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