What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
