The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
