What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize