You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
