guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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