I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
