drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize