In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize