apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
