Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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