dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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