I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize