he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
