how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
