I hate all girls vehemently.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize