I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
