you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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