Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
There are leaves in my underwear?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
