i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
