My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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