At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize