I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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