I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
