I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
