i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
