mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
