my vag is so smooth its legendary
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
