my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
