ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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