Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize